How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
