Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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