its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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