i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
