i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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