i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
