They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need a beard to bite.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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