Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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