He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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