i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
