Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
