Don't make out with my wife yet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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