she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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