In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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