Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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