I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
