Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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