so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
