he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
