Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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