theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize