My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
