Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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