Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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