hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
