last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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