I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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