her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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