How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
