What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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