I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
