No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
