Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
