My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
