He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
