you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
