Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
