mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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