Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
whose parrot is this?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
