dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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