I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
