Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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