I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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