My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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