Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
