my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
only you would photoshop your dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
