So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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