1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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