I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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