Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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