I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
