her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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