first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
