I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
