I got chris browned last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
