erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
3pm strippers are depressing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
