i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
