whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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