Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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