Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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