you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
