last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
