He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
