guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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