I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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