tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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